Brooke Summer 0:00 Hello there gorgeous business owners how you doing? Thank you so much for being with me today, we are going to talk all about not fitting in, and fearful felt like you don't fit in, maybe like you don't belong, oh man, I wish I can't even count the number of times that I have known in my heart that I just don't fit in. And when some drama recently hit my industry, I was reminded over and over again, that I don't fit in. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. And I know that this drama is not industry specific. Even if you're a nurse, or if you work in a warehouse somewhere, it doesn't matter what to do. Chances are, when there are people involved, there will be some sort of drama, some sort of in crowd, some sort of group of people that seem to have everything together. And yet when the Drama goes down, they're usually involved. So we are going to talk all about what it means not to fit in, and why that's not always a bad thing, especially when it comes to running your business. Because let's be real in business, you don't want to fit in, you want to be a leader, you want to be an authority, and you want to stand out so let's dive in.

Brooke Summer 1:13 Hello, they're gorgeous business owners. Welcome to bold with Brooke, the podcast for creative business owners to learn the marketing and business skills they need to get more clients and design their lives on their terms. So we can actually make a living doing what we love, am I right? I am your host Brooke summer, and I'm an entrepreneur, educator and champion of women reminding them to embrace and step into their power. I'm bringing almost 20 years of business and marketing experience straight to you to help you get more clients and run a sustainable and successful business without burnout or overwhelmed. Let's jump into today's topic.

Brooke Summer 1:58 Hello, hello amazing business owners welcome back to another episode of bolt with Brooke the podcast and place to be for female business owners. All of the guys are welcome to who want to learn to market their businesses and to actually be seen so that they can grow in the way that they want. Today, we are going to talk all about not fitting in being an outsider. And what the hell do you do when you feel completely alone in running your business? I have zero tattoos. And well, I have no judgment for people based on tattoos, there are some amazing works of art, I do tend to move away from things that cause me pain, and they look painful. It feels like a very big commitment. And I refuse to even have a mortgage until I was 36. Because it seemed so terrifying to me. I've never had a tattoo in my life. Although there are three things that I have seriously considered tattooing on my body. And I've been considering them for more than a few years. Which means that there's maybe a little bit more of a commitment to these phrases, right? So maybe they're safe, I guess, I don't know, one day, I'm sure I'll take the plunge. I searched for years for the reference for one of these particular phrases because I thought it was the Bible verse. Turns out, it was actually Dr. Seuss. I mean, who do right? Either way, I absolutely love it. And it's one of the few things that I have considered putting permanently on my body on my arm as a reminder to myself. And that phrase is why fit in when you were born to stand out.

Brooke Summer 3:36 Ah, you guys, the tears that I have cried about not fitting in throughout years of my life. The reality is that I've never really felt like I fit in anywhere starting with my family. And let me preface this by saying that my family never tried to leave me out. I just knew that I didn't quite fit. I really value connection on a very deep level. And for people that don't have that same value, it can seem very intense, or overwhelming. I'm very much an oversharer people will tell me their secrets when they have never met me before in their life. And they just tell me everything. That's the kind of connection that I really value with people and my family didn't really know what to do with me and what to do with my constant need for connection. Not because they were terrible people quite the opposite, but because they just weren't designed the same way. And years of coaching and therapy and lived experiences have shown me that more and more and more.

Brooke Summer 4:36 And if I had to pick two words that were used for me over and over again when I was younger, and even now to this day, by my family and the world at large. Those words would be too much. I am forever too much y'all. It used to really bother me. And now it doesn't. I'm letting that go. In high school. I have friends in all of the groups The jocks, the band geeks, the goth kids, even not a kids who smoked, because in high school that was scandalous and highly, highly inappropriate, right. I remember getting the Cover Girl compact powder, there was a circle. And I kept it in my backpack because I really wanted to be that girl checking her makeup between classes, that in the end, it would just get smashed and end up everywhere because it's just not me. I would have powder all over things. So I give that up real quick. I didn't really love designer clothes. And though I wanted clothes that I liked, and I had certain styles that I liked, they definitely weren't always the clothes that others wore, or what was quote trendy. The whole clothing thing kind of cracks me up because as I get older, and I watch trends come and go, I'm like, Oh, hey, I still have those in my closet because I've worn them the whole time. Like bootcut jeans. We're all watching those comeback, right?

Brooke Summer 5:58 I am forever grateful to Gen Z for bringing back my beloved Doc Martens, though, because my 17 year old heart wanted the black and white wingtips so bad, but it just wasn't possible at the time. I remember going to Dillards to find those wingtips, and we couldn't find them anywhere. It was right before my birthday, the shoes were going to be a birthday gift from my mother. And Dillards had this big event where you got a scratch ticket as you walked in just for VIPs. And you weren't supposed to scratch off the ticket until you got to the register. Because you didn't know what percentage discount you were going to get until you were ready to pay. And they ranged from I think it was 20 3040 and 50%. I couldn't find the wingtips anywhere, and I really really wanted those shoes. But out of the corner of my eye. I saw them. It was like the heavens above shone a light on this pair of shoes. They were patent leather, right red doc marten boots, I had to try them on. My mother was not thrilled with this decision. I tried them on, and I loved them. And I guessed audibly. People were looking at us like what the hell is going on over there. And instantly, I remember seeing my mom's face fall, like just resigning herself that she knew I really loved those boots. And she really did not. A woman walked up to us and said that she got the 50% off scratch ticket and she wasn't going to use it. That was the maximum discount. And that she would give it to us if we got those boots because she knew I had to have them. And my mom just looked at me shaking her head, I will never forget. She's like, okay, no one in my school wear anything like it. I don't remember ever seeing a pair of red boots at my school. They were definitely different. And I still have them. And I actually wore them with my Wonder Woman costume for Halloween. Last year in 2022. My son calls them vintage Dr. Martens, which is a whole different podcast episode about the errors in that statement from Gen Z. So we're just gonna leave it at that because otherwise I will rant all day. I didn't choose them because they were different. It wasn't a rebellious streak coming out just to piss someone off. It was just genuinely what I loved. I have always kind of done what I like and what feels right for me, based on my values and preferences, much to my mom's dismay, in a lot of ways.

Brooke Summer 8:26 I wish that I could say that it's because I'm courageous, and felt this urge to stick it to the man so to speak. But really, I was doing what I loved and what I wanted to do. It wasn't because of rebellion or courage, or trying to stand out and be different. It never felt that way at all. My mom said that I would tell her that I was okay not fitting in. And while I don't remember it being hurtful or heartbreaking at the time, I do remember feeling a sense of loneliness. When I started my photography business in 2006, I found some local photographers that were at the same stage of business. And I remember thinking, hey, I finally fit in here. We were all working on our businesses. And I was doing things a little differently again, based on what I loved and wanted to do.

Brooke Summer 9:13 Fast forward a year later. And those local photographers who are no longer in business might I add were bashing me everywhere locally. They would call me the See you next Tuesday, if you know what that stands for, you know what that stands for. But they would call me that name among others, publicly at any event, whenever someone would mention my name. These were my friends or so I thought and it definitely hurts. It wasn't just the friendship betrayal, though, but another reminder that again, I didn't fit in and I was alone.

Brooke Summer 9:46 I have worked with so many business owners and a lot of them are photographers. And yet when it comes to the insiders quote insiders of the photography industry, especially in boudoir photography, which is my jam that's why If I still don't fit in, recently, news came to light of a photography retreat that was run by some of those insiders. And let's just say if the reviews were not good, actually, you know what, I'm just gonna be real. The reviews were terrible in talking with a few of my friends about what happened, we will share that we don't really fit in when it comes to that industry. And because I was sharing encouragement on Facebook, several people were sending me messages. One of my friends who was not a photographer, asked me what the hell was going on. And I told her what happened. And I said that I've so much wanted to be a part of this crowd for years, the insiders, the in crowd, to have friends and go to people in my industry, and have that support. And she said, and I still have this text message, I even circled it with a little pen on my phone. She said, It's exhausting. And I think that place is for people who are average, which you are not, she's done that to me.

Brooke Summer 10:56 The waterworks started, I started crying, I'm working hard not to cry right now. Her words, plus other friends really gave me an aha moment that I wanted to share with you. Because I know that so many of my students have shared that they also feel like they don't fit in. And to be clear, my friends weren't trying to console me. I wasn't crying to them about being on the outside, we were watching. And just kind of like almost spectators like holy moly, what is happening, we were sharing some realizations and watching all of this go down. And I felt like someone had hit me with a ton of bricks, right between the highest in all of these conversations, not fitting in was God's or you can insert whatever you believe universe, whatever fits for you.

Brooke Summer 11:39 And not fitting in was God's way of protecting me. I don't belong in these places in these situations in the drama, because it's not me. I don't fit into this industry, because I don't want any piece of that kind of bullshit. And so I do what I love, I teach what I know. And I try to serve my people in the best ways that I know how not fitting in is a blessing. One of my coaches says, bitches don't do this. And she's right. Running a business isn't for the faint of hearts. And just like we talked about in episode 100, if you aren't truly aligned with your business, and what you love, it will show I am not aligned with the drama, and the self serving educators or the high horse attitudes.

Brooke Summer 12:23 I am aligned with the educators that are truly interested in raising the tide for everyone, the educators, the coaches, and the people who operate with integrity and love. And I have made my own mistakes. I'm not saying I haven't. But I try every day to be a better person today than I was yesterday, I am aligned with teaching from an open heart sharing everything I know, and working with my students to grow their businesses, not as a badge of honor. Although if that's how you want to take it, by all means, please do so. But I want to teach my students how to grow their businesses. So they can live their lives in the way that they want to, instead of what others say they should do. Because if you're doing what you should do, You're shitting all over yourself, and trying to fit in instead of truly belonging. If you are unfamiliar with Brene Browns work on shame and resilience, and so much more definitely check her out. But Brene says, fitting in gets in the way of belonging. Fitting in is becoming who you think you need to be in order to be accepted. Belonging is being your authentic self. And knowing that no matter what happens, you belong to you.

Brooke Summer 13:37 I am 42 years old. And I am just now discovering this and honoring this. And I see my kids that are 18 and eight years old. And I see them fighting this over and over again. And I just wish that I could help them let that go. Because self love, self respect and self care. And I'm not talking about bubble baths or massages. But true self care in honoring yourself in all aspects of your life, including your business means not fitting in. It means loving your authentic self enough to not stuffed that person down to try to fit in, especially in places that you aren't designed to be in in the first place. If you don't feel like you fit in, it can feel very lonely and overwhelming, but you are truly not alone. not fitting in can be a blessing in disguise. And it's something that you don't realize is truly a blessing your life and your business until possibly years later. running your business authentically will always mean that someone doesn't like what you're doing, and that's fine. They don't have to like it. They're not paying your bills.

Brooke Summer 14:44 One of my coaches says constantly Brooke Castillo, someone is bound to be disappointed with your life and that someone shouldn't be you. Oh, that hit me really hard when she said that and it's so true. And the same goes for your business. You are the owner, you make the rules and equitably piss someone off. But keep going. Keep falling flat on your face. Keep being embarrassed, keep failing miserably and then get up, dust yourself off and move forward, even when you don't fit in. If you are listening to this with tears in your eyes feeling this so hard, I would love to invite you to join us in bold Marketing Academy. The business tactics and strategies are sometimes not as sexy as other parts of running a business. But I promise you that the things you will learn will set you up for success. Long term says that when those mean people that you thought were friends go out of business and calling you names all over town, you are still moving forward with success.

Brooke Summer 15:47 Thank you so much for being with me today and sharing some time with me in your earbuds or in your car. I really love being able to share some of the random lessons that I've learned along the way. If you're someone that loves helping other people, I would absolutely love it. I would be so honored if you would take a few moments and leave a review. Podcast reviews are totally like podcast currency. A little thank you for the free content and information coming to you. And I appreciate them so much. You can leave a review at bold with burke.com/itunes If you'd like to join us and bold Marketing Academy you can check out details at Bold marketing academy.com. And if something in this episode really resonated with you, I would love it. If you would share the episode or take a screenshot or a selfie of you listening. Maybe sitting next to a beach in your hammock with this beautiful weather and tag me on social It's always an honor to see the tags and the love and I can't thank you enough. You can find me pretty much everywhere Tiktok and Instagram Tik Tok is mme at bold with Brooke all one word. May You not fit into the bullshit and drama that might exist in your industry so that you can stand out and truly be a leader and an authority. May you discover and truly love your authentic self and never settle for less. May you always run your business in a way that aligns with your values and your desire so that you can grow beyond your wildest dreams. And may you always remember that I am cheering you on every step of the way. Have an amazing rest of your day. Thank you so much for joining me today and listening in. You can find all of the show notes for this and every episode over at bold with brooke.com/podcast where you can also find all of the links or resources mentioned. I can't wait to work with you have an amazing rest of your day.